“You’re Not Alone: The Importance of Family Members in the Midst of Hardships”
If someone asked you what your most cherished memories were from your childhood, what would you say? Just recently this question came to my mind and I sat for a few minutes and wondered…what were my most cherished childhood memories? I realized that a lot of the memories that stand out in my mind did not just solely involve my mom or dad, but many other members from my family: baking cookies with my grandma, playing outside with my cousins, going shopping with my aunt, and enjoying nature with my grandpa.
When I was just in first grade, my parents filed for divorce. Due to certain circumstances, at no fault to my dad, my mom and I never had a good relationship. My mother figures were my grandma and my aunt, and later after my dad remarried, my stepmom. These, along with others, were the family members that shaped who I became. In today’s world, there are many broken marriages, but that does not mean the family has to be broken.
Dads, if your children are growing up in the midst of a separation or divorce, do not forget about the love, support, and guidance that extended family members can bring to the table. Grandparents are one such example. According to Professor Stephen F. Duncan and Research Assistant Marissa Beebe at Brigham Young University, “Grandparents can be a major support during family disruptions. Sometimes they’re playmates for their grandchildren. They’re very often role models and mentors for younger generations. They are also historians — teaching values, instilling ethnic heritage and passing on family traditions.” (“Importance of Grandparents to Their Grandchildren” Stephen F. Duncan and Marissa Beebe, https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/). Grandparents, however, are not the only family members that your children could and should create a bond with. As I mentioned earlier, I had wonderful relationships with my aunts, uncles, and cousins as well.
So, what are some ways to create special bonds with extended family? Here are five ways your family can start now:
- Starting New Traditions or Strengthening Old Traditions: I like this one because it hits close to home for me. I have several traditions that I share with my grandma, like baking cookies at Christmas time and going to lunch after church. When traditions are created, children are more likely to remember them as they get older, and it creates a sense of connection and closeness.
- Keeping in Contact: Sure, there are holidays throughout the year where children get to see everyone gathered together, but it is important for your children to see relatives outside of major holidays. Staying the night with grandparents over the weekend or spending a week with extended family out of state can be exciting for children and will create fond memories that last. If travel is not possible, a simple phone call, or even a letter, can help children stay close with extended family members.
- Personal One-on-One Time: Physical presence matters. With all of the technology that surrounds us, its easy to stay in our homes and connect through technology, but nothing replaces being in the physical presence of a loving family member. One-on-one time is where love, patience, and understanding can be physically felt.
- Giving Handmade Gifts: This does not have to be something elaborate. Making handmade gifts for family members is not only fun, but it is cheaper and more meaningful than going to the store. Giving handmade gifts can do two things. One, it gives you special creative time to spend with your child or children. Two, it helps children understand more about who they are making the gift for (grandpa, grandpa, etc.) and it gives them an end product they can be proud of.
- Understanding Family History: This is another tip I can personally relate to. My great grandmother and myself shared many special times just sitting down and discussing our family history. While she did research back to the Revolutionary War, that is not what you have to do. Children can sit down with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, really anyone in the family, and talk about what they remember about the family when they were kids. This helps kids understand the importance of the family structure and creates a sense of connectedness with older members of the family.
Fathers, this is the takeaway. Separation and divorce can be hard on a family, but remember the importance of family members in your children’s life. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can help children feel a sense of security, importance, connection, and love. You are not in this alone.
